Just ask my maid. She'd tell you that it's worse than my worst time in STPM. She herself has fallen sick twice since the start of this nightmare.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's my blunt mind, poor stamina and whining mood which are not up to even the least requirement of this profession. At the beginning of September, things got so out-of-sorts till I did ask myself Am I at the right place doing the right thing? Now, at my mid-sem break after 2 months of lecture, I still can't assure myself that I am where I should be doing what I should do.
Remembering what a TV programme narrated, a disaster is a string of unfortunate events, one leading to another until the tragedy happens. Apart from being sick during Week 2 and 3 of the semester. (and I haven't completely caught up with studies by now!), I didn't reveal the twists and turns which followed through, events that spun my life out of control and threw me into the abyss.
My grandfather passed away on the morning of 19 October 2011, and we took 3 days for prayers and sending off according to the Buddhist custom. A week after that, my laptop - the tool I use for everything and the one by my side for SPM and STPM - got stolen. And the following week, the week which had 4 tests, sickness chose to visit me again.
If I were to rate my progress of learning compared to what have been taught so far, I would say it's merely 30%.
And finals are 6 weeks later.
After all that's happened, it did cross my mind that maybe I should just forgo Law. Maybe it's time to put my hands up, wave the white flag and admit defeat. I'm barely coping with studies and frankly, performing below par, though still a pass, will be hard to accept for me.
Yet everytime that nagging feeling to give up kicks in, I'm reminded over and over again that I am in the right place doing the right thing.
I'm reminded by my lecturer that this field is about language, reading, writing and arguing to be precise, all of which incline towards my interest, towards what I've been trained, especially in writing.
I'm reminded that since machines could fail me at any time, backing-up is of paramount importance, and it must have been God's voice which stirred me to back-up 2 days before my laptop was stolen.
And I'm reminded of the people who have been placed into my life at this juncture. That 30%, 25% would be due to a person. A person whom I thought was just an assurance that Law was the right choice. But God has better ideas. She was there collecting notes and recording lectures for me the first time I was unwell. The second time, she was there informing me of replacement classes and upcoming tests. Even when my laptop got stolen, she was there, almost immediately, with materials in hand for me to photocopy.
Thank you so much for your help, Pauline. I'm still surviving in Law school mostly because of you.
During the orientation week 2 months back, I was asked to introduce myself to the seniors in the auditorium. Before I knew it, a mic was shoved into my face and I blurted out a few lines. The last sentence, which drew a YEAH from a senior and applause from the rest, was this:
"With the help of my batchmates, and of course all of you, I think I will be able to excel (in Law)."
That holds true, and will always be. If God keeps me for 4 years all the way to my graduation, it'll be my greatest achievement yet, a miracle created by many.